I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
