Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
