I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
