New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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