you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
