Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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