I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
