To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
