Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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