I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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