i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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