You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
