fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
