Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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