are you still at the devil's house?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
