Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
