never play flip cup with pint glasses
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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