I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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