First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
