And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
