I think my fart just growled at me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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