Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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