The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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