This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
