I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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