He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
