Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
