i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
