apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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