After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
