i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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