Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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