omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
