her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
