It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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