The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
