god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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