The best revenge is premature balding
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
