I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize