What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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