take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
