That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
