I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
