Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
