Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
