he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
as a side note pls kill me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
