Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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