Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
