I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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