it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
