I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
