My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
