i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
