did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
