I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
