the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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