dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
