That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
